The 30-Minute Date

This post should take 3 seconds to write, because the date was over that fast.

And, I admit, this was entirely my mistake.

I met someone on Tinder in the morning and we chatted throughout the day.  We agreed to meet later in the evening for a drink, time-bound, because I knew I was going to be meeting my friends later that evening.

Perhaps in a foolish move, I invited him to my home instead of a bar.  We could sit on the back deck and have a quiet drink and the au pair was at home so I wasn’t alone.  I did it because it was the easiest thing for me, if not the most sensible.

I did google search him before the invitation and he was who he said he was.  A nice, normal guy.

There were two red-flags: one when he told me the age of his daughter, I questioned his photos and if they were recent.  He claimed they were, but the girl in one photo was little so the photo was several years old.  There was another photo with an older girl, who might have been about 19, but when I looked again, I thought she looked about 16.  It’s a but hard to press someone on things like this when they have already said the photos are recent.  The other was he asked if he could bring a bottle of my choice of wine and when I told him my preference, he claimed he wasn’t familiar with that so how about I run out and buy it and he would pay me when he arrived.  Classy, right?

What I dislike most about a situation like this is that it makes me so much more leery of the next guy, and sometimes I might sound so suspicious it’s a turn-off.

In any case, he looked nice, had a good job and was willing to drive 45 minutes for a drink or two so I agreed.  I had a bottle of wine in the refrigerator that would suit.

When he arrived and entered my home, I exclaimed immediately “Oh, you are a smoker!” and I must have had such a look of distaste across my face that it set him off on a streak of angry explanation.

He spent 20 minutes trying to convince me he was not “a smoker” because “a smoker” smokes every day and he only smokes in the car and when he is drinking.  And if he knew I didn’t like smoke, he wouldn’t have smoked before the date.

When I say angry and indignant, I can’t even express how he came at me.  I argued a bit then offered that it would be better to sit on the deck and have a glass of wine and drop the entire conversation.  He couldn’t.  He HAD to prove his point that he wasn’t a smoker.

He wanted to make me feel like it was wrong of me to hate smoking and I was entirely mistaken about people who smoke.

Fuck you, smoking is smoking, period.  And, I HATE it.

I wanted to shoot myself and finally told him it was my deal breaker.  Period. Done.  End of discussion.

Then told him my mother died of cancer and the subject was absolutely not one I wanted to address any further.

Do you know, he persisted?  What an asshole.

I forcefully navigated him away from he conversation by asking about his family, brothers and sisters, where he grew up and he thankfully moved on.  He talked a bit about himself then asked me some similar questions so I thought I would share a funny story.

During my story he picked up his phone and began texting, claiming it was work and important, but was sure to look up and pretend to be listening and repeated several times that he was, in fact, listening.  I finally stopped speaking altogether and it took him almost a full minute to stop typing.

I said “that is just fucking rude, you know”

He said “you really say what’s on your mind, don’t you?”

My suggestion was that he leave.

Then the debate started that it wasn’t rude that e was texting and he could multi-task and I was just being difficult.  I once again suggested he just go and he told me I had too many “rules.”  He went in my home to use the bathroom.

Then, when he came out of the bathroom, he wanted a tour of my home so he could see how it was decorated.  This was the most uncomfortable 5 minutes of the night.  I repeated that he just needed to leave.

He was blocked and deleted before he got in his car.

My lesson: never, ever meet someone unless they speak to you on the phone.  I would have  known my his speech patterns and tone of voice that he wasn’t the type of guy for me, much too aggressive and small-minded.   It wasn’t so much that we met quickly, a time-bound date is fine and it was no skin off my back since it was so easy, but he wasted a glass of my good bubbly!



Author: Madeline Harper

My journey through divorce and an emotional and sexual reawakening. Love, laughter, friendships, family and heartbreak included. And there is sex, lots of it, so close your eyes and turn the page if that's not for you! While I started this blog as an endeavor to journal my thoughts and feelings in an attempt to better understand myself, it has become an amazing platform from which I have met some of the most interesting and wonderful people in my life. My path is often crooked, but I hope you will share in the journey with me.

37 thoughts on “The 30-Minute Date”

  1. Oh no. What a weirdo! This just proves to you that your own rule about talking on the phone first is a rule you made for a good reason.
    Glad you blocked him, he seemed to have way, way too many issues.
    I am sure he could have kept on texting you just to win his war about smoking. 😕Better luck next time! 😊

    Liked by 2 people

  2. “Rude” doesn’t even begin to describe the guy… This reminds me of a guy I dated years ago, who got terribly offended and literally threw a tantrum because I wouldn’t allow him to smoke in my apartment. Needless to say, it was not a long term thing… 🙂 Smoke all you want buddy, it’s your life and you can live it however you want, but not in my home.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Offended is exactly what he was! And he did throw a tantrum as exhibited by continuing to talk about smoking for more than 20 minutes!

      And exactly – I’m not judging your smoking habit -just get the hell away from me.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. It would have been less than 15 minutes and if I was really true to myself the moment I smelled smoke I should have asked him to leave. Then when he tried to turn the blame on me by saying he wouldn’t have smoked in the car I wanted to vomit!


  3. Oh well – lesson learned. Doesn’t matter how old we get, does it? I”m still learning how to communicate properly.
    I don’t think I could’ve handled it as calmly as you did.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. UGH!!! He sounds far too similar to a couple of douches I’ve met before! I’m just happy they didn’t meet me in my home. Glad he left with not too much trouble. Good riddance!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. What is up with him asking to see your home after you had asked him to leave? Did he want to case the joint so he could make a later visit uninvited? Tell me you escorted him right to the front door.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I really think you should rethink having someone to your home you barely know even if you check them out – i’m a little paranoid but look at BTK Killer he was married with kids had a normal job you can’t be too careful!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

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