This post should take 3 seconds to write, because the date was over that fast.
And, I admit, this was entirely my mistake.
I met someone on Tinder in the morning and we chatted throughout the day. We agreed to meet later in the evening for a drink, time-bound, because I knew I was going to be meeting my friends later that evening.
Perhaps in a foolish move, I invited him to my home instead of a bar. We could sit on the back deck and have a quiet drink and the au pair was at home so I wasn’t alone. I did it because it was the easiest thing for me, if not the most sensible.
I did google search him before the invitation and he was who he said he was. A nice, normal guy.
There were two red-flags: one when he told me the age of his daughter, I questioned his photos and if they were recent. He claimed they were, but the girl in one photo was little so the photo was several years old. There was another photo with an older girl, who might have been about 19, but when I looked again, I thought she looked about 16. It’s a but hard to press someone on things like this when they have already said the photos are recent. The other was he asked if he could bring a bottle of my choice of wine and when I told him my preference, he claimed he wasn’t familiar with that so how about I run out and buy it and he would pay me when he arrived. Classy, right?
What I dislike most about a situation like this is that it makes me so much more leery of the next guy, and sometimes I might sound so suspicious it’s a turn-off.
In any case, he looked nice, had a good job and was willing to drive 45 minutes for a drink or two so I agreed. I had a bottle of wine in the refrigerator that would suit.
When he arrived and entered my home, I exclaimed immediately “Oh, you are a smoker!” and I must have had such a look of distaste across my face that it set him off on a streak of angry explanation.
He spent 20 minutes trying to convince me he was not “a smoker” because “a smoker” smokes every day and he only smokes in the car and when he is drinking. And if he knew I didn’t like smoke, he wouldn’t have smoked before the date.
When I say angry and indignant, I can’t even express how he came at me. I argued a bit then offered that it would be better to sit on the deck and have a glass of wine and drop the entire conversation. He couldn’t. He HAD to prove his point that he wasn’t a smoker.
He wanted to make me feel like it was wrong of me to hate smoking and I was entirely mistaken about people who smoke.
Fuck you, smoking is smoking, period. And, I HATE it.
I wanted to shoot myself and finally told him it was my deal breaker. Period. Done. End of discussion.
Then told him my mother died of cancer and the subject was absolutely not one I wanted to address any further.
Do you know, he persisted? What an asshole.
I forcefully navigated him away from he conversation by asking about his family, brothers and sisters, where he grew up and he thankfully moved on. He talked a bit about himself then asked me some similar questions so I thought I would share a funny story.
During my story he picked up his phone and began texting, claiming it was work and important, but was sure to look up and pretend to be listening and repeated several times that he was, in fact, listening. I finally stopped speaking altogether and it took him almost a full minute to stop typing.
I said “that is just fucking rude, you know”
He said “you really say what’s on your mind, don’t you?”
My suggestion was that he leave.
Then the debate started that it wasn’t rude that e was texting and he could multi-task and I was just being difficult. I once again suggested he just go and he told me I had too many “rules.” He went in my home to use the bathroom.
Then, when he came out of the bathroom, he wanted a tour of my home so he could see how it was decorated. This was the most uncomfortable 5 minutes of the night. I repeated that he just needed to leave.
He was blocked and deleted before he got in his car.
My lesson: never, ever meet someone unless they speak to you on the phone. I would have known my his speech patterns and tone of voice that he wasn’t the type of guy for me, much too aggressive and small-minded. It wasn’t so much that we met quickly, a time-bound date is fine and it was no skin off my back since it was so easy, but he wasted a glass of my good bubbly!