The Almost Date

I spent close to a week chatting back and forth with a Doctor from San Fran.  While we missed one another in San Fran, we would be able to connect in my city 3 weeks later.

This was simply going to be a hook-up, no more, no less.

We hit it off in chat immediately and had a lot of fun and sexy talk in our conversations.  I was genuinely looking forward to seeing him this week in my city.

He was just the “right kind” of fun for me.  I am open to playtime and we had a good text chemistry.  The sexual innunedo was fun because he was witty and clever, and he didn’t cross any hard lines asking me for nude photos etc.

Once we started to nail down actual times and dates, and after  a week of chatting (I checked his photos/phone # and he appeared to be who he said he was) I decided it was better safe than sorry to have a phone call before meeting him for drinks.

 

So, did I make the mistake of not meeting him for a drink?  No harm, no foul kind of thing?

Perhaps if I was working in the city and could meet easily for a drink and get home just as easily this would have been less of a thought for me.  But now, being unemployed and not having a particular reason to be in the city, these quick dates present more of a challenge for me.

Losing my job has screwed up my dating life as well which is really disappointing.  With all this time on my hands I want to go have fun, but it’s a sincere investment on my behalf to get into the city to meet someone only to have a failed meeting.

I suppose, at least in this case, this guy was only a hook-up in any case, but this is going to be the problem throughout the summer – I can’t just do a quick date anymore without it costing me a chunk of my time (and money) to get in and out of the city.  Rightly or wrongly, I think this is a large reason I keep Finn and Ayden around.

Author: Madeline Harper

My journey through divorce and an emotional and sexual reawakening. Love, laughter, friendships, family and heartbreak included. And there is sex, lots of it, so close your eyes and turn the page if that's not for you! While I started this blog as an endeavor to journal my thoughts and feelings in an attempt to better understand myself, it has become an amazing platform from which I have met some of the most interesting and wonderful people in my life. My path is often crooked, but I hope you will share in the journey with me.

46 thoughts on “The Almost Date”

    1. Yea and although I didn’t include any previous text he was generally really sweet and nice..but as soon as I requested to meet him he turned very serious. It is just weird. My feeling is why not? I totally didn’t think of a speech impediment!!

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  1. That is a really weird conversation. Who wouldn’t be willing to talk over the phone? Unless they were catfishing you!! And….in my experience it is the exact opposite. Lots of people can text you and not give two shits what they are saying. When you talk to them over the phone you get to see how good their conversation skills really are. Can they go back in forth, does the conversation have a nice flow? I definitely think that there should be phone conversation before you decide to meet in person!! GOOD FOR YOU!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It really did turn weird and it was genuinely NOT weird and only fun before that. I was really looking forward to meeting with him!

      I’m with you on the talking totally! I feel like you can learn so much and sure, maybe you can be disappointed that someone doesn’t meet expectations in person later but at least it’s one more point of reference.

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  2. I agree with Caroline! I always find it very odd if a man doesn’t want to speak on the phone before a date.. could mean something is off and the person is trying to hide it… could be that they are just shy or something, but I would not take any chances. Glad you have that as a habit, a phone convo first! Great way to increase your safety aswell as making sure the date has potential to be satisfying👍 you go girl! 💪

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    1. Well, I made another mistake by not talking on the phone (post to follow later) so I was more careful this time. I just think any point of reference is good before meeting.

      And his tone changed so dramatically when I asked…very weird.

      Thanks for the support! 😘

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      1. I just felt like I was putting in too much time for something that should be easy breezy.

        I know a big part of this is trying to maintain dating in one city (where I will work) instead of where I live. It’s not easy.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I hate hate hate hate hate phone calls. Did I mention that I hate them? But I’m a woman and I feel like I call the shots for safety. And if I really want to meet someone, and they have a legit reason for a call, I will do it. I’ve only done that once (a swinger type who was concerned I was actually a male b/c apparently not many women have my actual interests/fantasies)…but I did it. So I think you did the right thing. My guess is that he wasn’t “real” and you would have been stood up.

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    1. I’m not convinced about real or not, my gut says he was who he said he was. His phone # matched his Info.
      My closest friend thinks like you do. She said especially if it’s just a hook up I shouldn’t expect a phone call and it’s my own responsibility for the time commitment since I agreed to meet in the city.
      I’m baffled but still think his reaction was a bit extreme.

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      1. By “not real”, I suppose I mean someone who isn’t interested in actually meeting. You have a good reason for wanting a quick call. And I say that as someone who has turned down guys who want to call, not message.

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      2. Yes I can see your point perhaps he was planning to meet others as well and would eventually blow me off anyway.

        I have to say, it’s a weird argument. Just call for a few minutes if you want to meet someone.

        Even if it’s not your style when someone explains its important to them and the reasons why – which I did – what’s the big deal – make it a 5 minute call.

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      3. I’m with Christine – I hate talking to people on the phone. If I know you well, that’s one thing (and even then – in small doses). But, if I haven’t even met a guy yet, I prefer to just meet at a coffee shop and have a face to face conversation to see if there is even any reason for me to give him my phone number.

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  4. Super weird. Suspiciously weird. In this day and age where people catfish all the time, why would he be so hardcore about something so simple? I’m glad you didn’t cave. He lost out on a fun time for being so dumb. You should always trust your gut; he had something to hide and that’s not normal.

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  5. I have this ‘out of town’ issue too. My recent profile makes it clear that only guys with own venue (ie who live alone) should bother to contact me. Too much of my time and money goes into bad sex, not willing to be the first to invest time or money now.

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    1. Yes exactly. I’m not willing to invest the time in order not to have *some* form of reciprocation. It would take no energy on his behalf to have a 5-10 minute phone call which makes me thin somethings up. His loss. Who cares.

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      1. Basic economics is a great term because ASV and I always talk about the small investments made into dating yield much larger results (like good text or phone communication!)

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    2. I think if I was looking for the sex only relationships, then that would be a good way to go – but since I know at some point I will be working in the city again, and men like Ayden who have the money can get hotel rooms, I think I need to be patient…but it’s not easy and the rivers between there and here tend to turn men off – I could be on the moon for all they care.

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  6. What a fuckwit. The exchange sounded so arrogant from his end as well, like he thinks you’ll give in and meet him anyway. Who gets that weird over a request for short phone call?! Bullet dodged, I reckon.

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      1. Well, I think what doesn’t change is his reluctance to make the phone call (or stubbornness) shows something deeper in my opinion – so whatever the deeper seated driver is, that won’t change.

        Maybe he will realize I was worth his time and effort, stranger things have happened!

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  7. Wait a minute! Am I reading your comments to Tara correctly? You’re meeting him after all? While I am not one who likes to talk by phone before a meeting, I would never condone someone else bullying you into acquiescing to their demands. If you feel strongly about phone calls, then you shouldn’t hook up with people who refuse to do phone calls. You have to be comfortable (and I guess the converse is true — if he hates phone calls, he doesn’t have to talk on the phone first). You seem to have a lot of guys interested in meeting you – hold out for what works for you!

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  8. I have always had huge anxiety about talking in the phone in all but the closest relationships. Since the majority of communication is visual I fear so much could be lost in translation. I do think your response to this guy was spot on, but curious me is vicariously looking forward to the next instalment!

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