Ayden’s Slow Groove

My second date with Ayden was pretty wonderful.

I’m still unsure about the communication cadence. Again, while he’s not doing anything wrong, it just doesn’t feel quite right to me.

I made a joke on Friday about hearing from him over the weekend. He said he would call Sunday. Nothing more. Then Sunday came and he did, in fact, call. Left a message. Then called again a few hours later.  The conversation was light and brief.

I chose to send him a message on Monday because my day time plans had changed and it would require me to understand what time he planned for the evening of our date. He asked what I preferred and I selected a time from the choices he offered. I asked what he had in mind so I knew where to park and he selected a lovely restaurant.  There was little more than informational back-and-forth.

The morning of the date he sent a text which said “M, looking forward to seeing you tonight!”  I replied in kind and knew I would hear no further from him during the day.

Since the weather was so good, he chose a restaurant with al fresco dining and pre-arranged a certain table so that we would be perfectly seated under cover but along the open edge of the restaurant.

I arrived first and found a seat at the bar and ordered myself a drink.  He arrived soon after and I bought him a drink as well. He slipped away for a moment to ensure the table he arranged was available and I saw the hostess moving things around.  When we went to the table, he looked at the view from both seats and suggested I take the seat with the better view.

He immediately ordered food without consulting me, but anyone who knows me for 5 minutes knows of my love of oysters so it wasn’t a magic trick.  He then perused the menu and made some choices. I mentioned I saw a lobster roll and he added that to his mental notes.

He also pointed out there was probably a better cocktail than the one I had  chosen as it had a better combination of flavors with the Prosecco. Fast learner, this one. But again, I’m an open and consistent book.

Ayden ordered our dinner and conversation flowed easily.  I chose to ask him a question about his early life and his story lasted a long time. One of the most fascinating parts of his story was being at the Berlin Wall the New Years that it fell. He is a slow and detailed, yet engaging storyteller.

I also found how much he loves to write, as in screenplays.  It was hard not to mention how much I love to write as well because I have no other writing outlet but this blog.  I really enjoyed listening to him.

Dinner arrived and once again, he served me.  He chose an oyster, scooped it free and added the topping before handing it to me. This has always been, and continues to be, one of those small moves that brings me to my knees.  That anyone is so thoughtful about my pleasure in food, or that I should eat first, amazes me.  This may never get old for me.  Just the smallest act of care feels wonderful and makes me want to return the favor in spades.

After a lovely and delicious dinner, we made our way through a park and over a rail to a grassy area and sat facing one another.  I couldn’t wait to kiss him and, judging by his reactions, he felt the same.  We sat wrapped in one another for a while as the sun began to set.

Then the funniest thing, Ayden swung around in front of me and propped himself on bent knee.  The pose was so obvious that I had to comment “Why Ayden, are you on bended knee for me already?!”  He laughed and said “Why yes, Madeline, because I want to proposition you and I hope you are ok with what I’m about to ask.”

Of course, by then, I knew he would ask me to spend the night with him.  I had already tossed the idea around in my head pre-date and I knew if the  date went well that I would agree.  But the way he asked was so entirely sweet.  He promised me he expected nothing more than kissing and cuddling.

I do think he meant it.

But I know myself better.

We went to small cozy bar for one more drink while we selected the hotel together.  He chose a wonderful boutique hotel within walking distance.  I had never heard of the hotel before but it was spectacular.  Not large or fancy by any means but just so well-appointed. Quite masculine with hints of design from the 40s.

As he checked in he asked me to be seated on the couch to wait for him.  I didn’t realize it, but he had asked the concierge to especially bring me rose champagne…I almost died when the glass of bubbly arrived.  It’s rose season and nothing is better than pink bubbly!  For those in the know. There is no such thing as a rose Prosecco. Italian law for making the Prosecco wine requires white grapes only.  In order to achieve the rose, you need to add a red grape.  So if you want pink bubbles it’s best to go for Spanish Cava or Rose Champagne as the closest alternatives!

I know, these are small things the ordering and serving of food, checking in the hotel an delivering a favorite wine while I wait.  But these things astound me and make me immensely grateful.  I notice these things and they make me feel cared for.  All the years of never having anything like this in marriage makes these small acts of kindness supremely important.  I think this is how I have more recently learned to pay closer attention to people and reward them with my own small acts of kindness through words or attention.  When I deliver my own grace, I see it come back to me tenfold.

We sat at the bar for a little while, just because the atmosphere was wonderful.  When we made it upstairs, I realized he had secured a small kit for us so we could brush our teeth etc.  I had wondered why it had taken him so long to check in but hadn’t noticed the little bag until now.

We started slow.  There was no fierce intensity and build up, this was unusual for me.  The best way I can describe the scene would be to say Ayden made love to me.  I hesitate to say those words to lead you to believe it was romantic, because it wasn’t quite  that.   But this is the kind of sex you have with someone once there is love and history between you.

That wasn’t easy for me.

He was slow and gentle and clearly held setting the pace. While small framed he may be, he is strong and solid and there is not doubt of how manly he is.  He kissed me from head to toe. Small, gentle, easy kisses while I was still dressed.  When he slowed and allowed me up, I lay over the top of him and returned his pace by unbuttoning his shirt slowly and gently removing his clothes.

Don’t ask why, but it didn’t bother me that Ayden is also au natural like Finn.   Maybe because I already recently had one shock as I assumed all men under 50 trimmed and groomed down there and was startled the first time to be proven wrong.  It didn’t stop me from tasting his hard cock.  His cock was like his body, long and slim and fit easily and fully into my mouth.

We moved around to remove my clothes and I had my dress off so quickly and went for my bra that he exclaimed “Madeline! That’s my job!” And I let him finish undressing me.

He kissed my lips, cheeks, neck and breasts for what felt like hours. Whatever it was – it was too long.  I hate to say I nearly grew bored.   But then, a light when off in my head at the same moment he asked me if he could do more….he had promised we wouldn’t need to have sex because was just as happy kissing me.

I moved his hands down and he sighed at my wetness and asked what I wanted.  When he went down on me, the flicks of his tongue were as gentle as all that preceded.  I asked for his fingers, guided his head with a bit more pressure and came easily to orgasm.

We had sex after that. It was fine.

I know, that sounds sort of dull but there’s actually not a better word to describe it.

He held me for a while, rolled over and slept. No touching or cuddling at all.

In the morning, he woke, brushed teeth and came back to bed to hold me a while. More gentle kisses.  No morning sex.  Such a disappointment.

No indication of a next date either.

I was leaving for San Fran that evening and didn’t know what to expect.

As usual, I sent a polite thank you text and here is the sum total of our communication over the next 6 days:


While there is nothing wrong with the communication, I sense no genuine feeling behind it either.  I have stopped writing in my usual style to try to illicit any reply from him, it doesn’t work with him.

Ann and I have been deep in discussion over this for the past few weeks as we both have been experiencing a similar response from our recent crop of   men.  Ayden is as consistent as the day is long and we have another date this evening.

But, I’m not excited.  I don’t even know what I feel.  I know once I’m with him and he smiles and laughs and makes me feel like the only woman in the room that all will be fine.

But, it this just another form of a man who wants to have casual sex and no real dating relationship?  Sure he asks questions when I am with him and endeavors to get to know me, but as you can see from above, there is no engagement between dates.  It’s like he throws out a line and hook, and just keeps me on it, never really even trying to reel me in.

I’ve been patient and have decided I will not be speaking to him about the communication cadence this evening and just enjoy my time.  I had a crap evening last night after the conversation with Bobby and I need a little quiet head space which Ayden can afford me.

But, what do you think?

Is it just me or does something seem off?

Author: Madeline Harper

My journey through divorce and an emotional and sexual reawakening. Love, laughter, friendships, family and heartbreak included. And there is sex, lots of it, so close your eyes and turn the page if that's not for you! While I started this blog as an endeavor to journal my thoughts and feelings in an attempt to better understand myself, it has become an amazing platform from which I have met some of the most interesting and wonderful people in my life. My path is often crooked, but I hope you will share in the journey with me.

32 thoughts on “Ayden’s Slow Groove”

  1. I think it’s much too early to decide, or be put off. He has so much going for him so far. Obviously he does have his own cadence, and there may be reasons for it. I don’t think it should be a problem if you move the conversation to between date communication, letting him know your preferences. Then gauge his reaction and follow through.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. While his communication cadence seems stilted for you based on your experience, his consistency and follow-through on his communication commitments seems like a very good sign. Perhaps he is a man who has been burned in the past by relationships that bloom and burnout in text and email and phone conversations before the actual meeting and getting to know each other in face-to-face interactions and dates? Maybe there is something to be said for just seeing one another as you have been, letting the relationship evolve and feelings (or lack thereof) develop more organically based upon in-person interactions?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yes, agreed, which is why I am really torn – because consistency means a hella lot these days. We haven’t really dove much into his past, but he didn’t seem to have a very stressful relationship with his last girlfriend of 2 years.

      It is interesting but I can’t help feeling it’s off.


  3. Honestly? I think it’s just his pace of getting to know you and enjoying your company, without heedlessly rushing into a committed situation. I say enjoy it, let it flow. It definitely IS nice to have an attentive companion.


  4. Enjoy his company. If that’s what you need to take a breather from Bobby convo.

    I wouldn’t sleep with him again if all you felt last time was that it was “nice” – you’re feeling blah for a reason. If it was me I’d avoid the whole sex thing with him again if only because to me, a “nice” sex session isn’t really fulfilling, even if I’ve orgasmed. Or maybe that’s just me…

    Just go and enjoy his company 🙂


    1. The sex did get better the second time, but I’m not seeing any stars. I am torn on this one, I can’t even figure out exactly how I feel which is why I hesitate to make any changes with him, or even call them out.


      1. Well, from my past experience, if there hasn’t been stars then it hasn’t been worth the effort because there sure as hell weren’t stars later when I hung around a year later.

        At least if you want to give it a chance do it, but just see how you go.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Just don’t waste a year of your life too on trying to figure out what the “something” is… Which is what I did. I just ended up finding apathy on his part and annoyance on mine that I dated someone for a year that didn’t have the balls to just say it wasn’t working for him.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Oh yes, absolutely. A year is much too long. After 22 years of a bad marriage I don’t think I could ever do it again for any sincere length of time…. Unless the sex was off the charts….!!

        Liked by 1 person

  5. I like him, but I also see the hesitation. I like that he also knows you so well by now and he pays attention to you. The sex seemed lacking, but maybe it will get better. Maybe he’s rushed too fast before and tries to slow himself down, or whatever. I say give him a few more chances to see where it goes.


  6. I’d give it more time. Having a man who thrills you outside of the bedroom is a very nice thing. But if the passion in the bedroom doesn’t increase, well then hmmmm…

    Liked by 1 person

  7. to me he sounds like a man who has a life and is busy – I get annoyed by a lot of texting and dont’ have time for it – his actions to me are showing a lot so I say give him a chance!

    conversation with Bobby?

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I’m edging towards him being from the new breed of casual sex merchants. These type folk used to use escorts but have now worked out that with a bit of concentration they can have the same experience with dating.

    But then I’m cynical and do the same to men 😀

    Liked by 2 people

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