Nothing is Wrong, Yet it’s Not Quite Right

I met Ayden on Tinder about 2 weeks ago.  His banter and communication in the first hour were so much fun. We moved to text by the end of an hour and continued chatting.

It was an unusual start, he didn’t ask all the typical screening questions. He went right for some more interesting facts like “what is your favorite album, song and why”.

He missed his train stop and admitted to being distracted by me. He asked me out for coffee the next week, but we couldn’t find a mutual time that worked.

We would be put to the test: he was traveling and we wouldn’t be able to meet for 10 more days or so. How would we manage communication during that time?

I made a joke and asked him if he disappeared for 10 days and then just showed up at the selected Starbucks at the appointed time.  He picked up on the inference and said we would definitely text while he was traveling.

In between the first text conversation and the first phone call, I didn’t really know what to think of him. He wasn’t quite ambivalent, just not over-communicative.  When had our first phone conversation It lasted for about 2 hours. It had a little bit of slow start as he is definitely more reserved than I am. He was clear on the phone that he wanted to meet me the next week.

After a lovely, long  phone conversation I didn’t hear from him again for 2 days!  I sent a hello text after 2 days and there was a little back and forth. He text as soon as he landed back in the city a day and half later then called from the car.

Another weekend passed where I didn’t hear from him. Some short text the evening before the date. I was definitely curious.  He had done a very good job of holding me at arm’s length prior to the first date because we all know how much I like to jump right into the “get to know you” phase.  He thought perhaps it wasn’t so good that we felt so comfortable, like we had known one another better than just some text and phone calls, he wanted to wait for our meeting.

I didn’t expect to hear from him the day of our meeting, not even to confirm.  I just knew based on his prior text habits that I wouldn’t.  I arrived on time and spotted him immediately.

Now it becomes even more curious. He is barely 5’11” and very slim.  Not broad-shouldered and tall as I prefer.  Yet the moment he smiled I was attracted.  There was just something about him, even now I can’t put my finger on it.  I had only worn 3″ heels and I was at least eye level with him.  He noticed, and commented, that I didn’t have my highest heels on. Later that evening he told me that not only would I be wearing my highest heels for him, but I would love doing so because of the way he would admire me in them.

If he was taller, he would be right.  The jury is still out.

Drinks and dinner flowed smoothly and comfortably.  Lots of chatter.  He asked what I would like and ordered from the menu for both of us.  We were in a lovely, authentic Greek Taverna.  I felt very attended to while I was with him.  He chose the food, cut it and served it.  We shared all the small plates as well as a main course of fish.

When he leaned in to kiss me I was surprised.  I wasn’t my typically flirty self, I was a bit off-balance with this one.  He had been standing beside my high bar stool and pulled me close and tight.

Another kisser without tongue.

Oh goodness, it just freaks me out.

Now some of you can debate this all  you want.  I don’t expect them to shove their tongue down my throat, but gentle exploration, absolutely.  The missing tongue action is just not for me.

The difference in his kiss to the first time I experienced it was that his kiss thrilled me.  I felt it go right through me even though I was distracted by no tongue.  I can’t kiss with no tongue and that’s that.  Period.  If this keeps up, it’s going to be a deal breaker for me and you can add it to the list of other deal breakers.

It did, in fact, change slightly throughout the evening.  His tongue peeked out, but still, not enough for me.  Maybe he will eventually just respond to my way of kissing and we will find our way….

Anyway, dinner and drinks were lovely and he suggested a walk.  I took this as a good sign after 3 hours together in the restaurant.  He held my hand and stayed close.  He pulled me under a canopy to kiss me for a long while once the rain started.  I could feel how hard he was pressed against me.  While I couldn’t quite tell his size, I could gauge his level of excitement.  His body was rock solid, with each move the muscles rippled through his arms and back.  Slim he might be, but I was certain he would dominate me with his strength.  Nothing about him was soft.

We ended up at a second bar where he proceeded to continue to hold me close and make-out with me.  The PDA didn’t affect him at all.  The strange thing, for me, was that we hadn’t discussed anything remotely sexual up to this point.  No preferences, no indications, nothing.  He had asked me for the most important word for a man I wanted to date and I had used the word “dominant.”  He was proving his dominance, for sure.

While we were in the second bar, he told me he wanted to see me again next week and I agreed.

Later, while he was walking me back, he asked me “if I were to ask you to sleep with me tonight, you would say no, wouldn’t you?”  That was the only sexual reference the entire evening.  We had done quite a bit of kissing and fondling at that point, but not enough (for me, at least) to indicate I was ready to have sex.  I think there were a few times he was more taken aback or surprised by my sexuality than he expected to be.

He ordered and paid for my Uber.  Later, his evening text said “So good to be with you tonight, Madeline.  Sweet dreams.”

I answered him the next morning to say Thank You and let him know I had a lovely time.  I didn’t hear from him for 36 hours until I text him a quick hello.

He replied and quickly asked me out again for next week.  I agreed.

I’m off-balance because the cadence of his communication is much, much slower than I prefer, or even that I have experienced.  I always tend to think that when a man is really interested, they demonstrate their interest by communication.

He hasn’t done a thing wrong, but it’s not quite right for me either.

I suppose we shall see next week……

 

 

Author: Madeline Harper

My journey through divorce and an emotional and sexual reawakening. Love, laughter, friendships, family and heartbreak included. And there is sex, lots of it, so close your eyes and turn the page if that's not for you! While I started this blog as an endeavor to journal my thoughts and feelings in an attempt to better understand myself, it has become an amazing platform from which I have met some of the most interesting and wonderful people in my life. My path is often crooked, but I hope you will share in the journey with me.

11 thoughts on “Nothing is Wrong, Yet it’s Not Quite Right”

  1. I used to giggle to myself about your requirement for a man who is so many inches taller than you. I probably couldn’t relate because I’m not even 5’4″ and I don’t often wear heels (and when I do, they are only about 2.5-3″ — except for my “fuck me” heels and, quite frankly, they are so high I don’t know that I could actually wear them out of the house without killing myself). However, I’ve had a couple of very nice looking guys message me in the last couple of weeks — and I hesitated to contact them back because they are both 5’4″ — so we’d be on eye level if I was in my flats (and I’d be taller in my heels). I’m still debating — and wondering if the sex is better if both parties are around the same size instead of their being a 6-7″ difference.

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    1. Well it’s not Sheerly about the height. It’s about how I feel in their presence. I prefer to be smaller. Often a man with a taller frame carried more weight or can be more broad. Shorter men who are proportional are probably smaller in frame than I am. It’s about me and not about them. I want a big man that can toss me around and make me feel diminutive. Heigh is merely a component of that.

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  2. This one is interesting. Your one word for a man you want to date is “dominance” and is he is demonstrating that in many ways. He’s setting a pace for the communication between you at something he’s comfortable with. The comment about the heels, because he will admire you wearing them. So he’s either using his own definition of the “dominant” traits as he defines them or there is a “The Rules” like book out there he is following.

    Also, never underestimate how powerful you are as a woman, and by your own description, how spoiled – you want what to be pursued and adored and have your own expectation of how that plays out. Perhaps he is resisting the urge to communicate so frequently with you because he is a confident guy who feels no need to ardently pursue at first, and he is gauging his attraction and interest by spending time together versus talking on the phone or texting daily. From conversations with single male friends, I see this becoming a more common trend.

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    1. In fact this was a difficult post – I had a hard time capturing Ayden. I like him and he’s done nothing wrong, I’m just not used to this! I’m not opposed to it either. And he showed his dominance in serval ways, I agree. I could sense this pleases him. Perhaps that’s what attracts me the most. It will be interesting to find out more about him.

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  3. I prefer sporadic flirty banter over constant communication. It leaves room to learn about each other in person and also leaves a bit of mystery. A new guy I just met at a concert a few nights ago has been texting me the past couple nights and invited me to see his band this Thursday. Last night when we were texting, it was very flirty, casual, no actual questions being asked. It was almost 2am and he finally tried to delve into asking more about me and I stopped it there telling him that his questions would have to wait for another time because I was falling asleep… which was true, but I also prefer leaving this for in person communication so it seemed like an appropriate time to say goodnight.

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    1. Hi Kallie! Yea totally agree but he’s not even doing the flirty thing! He made a joke once that he would “try” and sometimes I think we joke about something serious so it’s possible that he’s not the flirty type.

      He does ask me tons and tons of questions but is very private himself.

      I can do the banter thing…but he seems to be hesitant. He’s definitely an enigma for me this one!!

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      1. Don’t over think it. If the time you spend together in person is great, don’t worry about the lack of communication. I think that sometimes people forget that technology has changed our expectations… we now seem to expect constant communication, but sometimes the space is good. As they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder.

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