Maggie May sent me a copy of something that I had written back in April 2014…while it sounded familiar – I could not, for the life of me, recall writing it.
I am so blessed that Maggie think I’m Sleeping Beauty and have the keys to my life, I just need to wake up. I am quite honored that she had saved something from 2 years ago!
I dug back into those archives and found that it wasn’t actually something I had written, but a soothsayer had written about me.
Now, at the time, I was still early, early day in my separation. In fact, in April 2014, I hadn’t yet let my x know that I was pretty decided upon separating. That was till two months away.
But I solicited the soothsayer to read my fortune and she said some pretty amazing things.
The one that Maggie reminded me of was this:
Regarding your connection to your x, I see a flower that was once in full bloom. There was a time when this relationship was alive and vibrant. It bloomed and it filled your life with beauty. All flowers do eventually fade, of course; now this flower is withered – it’s like a bouquet you were given a long time ago, that is still sitting in a vase in the middle of your dining room table. Instead of bringing you joy, it has become something that you have to deal with, that you don’t want to deal with. You can’t bring yourself to toss it out…but it’s not going to bloom again. (this also applies to my more recent breakup, dead flowers)
I now see a clock, and my feeling is that you’re going to wake up – I see an alarm going off – and you’re going to realize how precious time is, and that you might want to get going on creating a more fulfilling life. …and this will make you really think about time, and how we have to find the courage to live a
big, bold and authentic life NOW.
When I step back and look at the big picture with all of this, I see this alarm clock going off, and you waking up, and realizing – it’s late! It’s getting late! What am I really doing? I need to get going. I need to find the courage to show myself and those I love that it’s not only okay and safe to follow your heart, to be real, but it’s the only way to find true peace, happiness and fulfillment. I then see you coming back to life in some ways…feeling more yourself than you have in a long time…and realizing that it’s good to just be free for a while, to breathe deep breaths again, to live as you want to live. Yes, it will take courage, but choosing fear is never the answer – that’s a path that is ever more deadening. You’re being called to find the courage to really live again.
While I would like to have such wonderful creative writing skills, I cannot attest to having written that, Maggie. 🙂
However, the advice is still great – if I could compare my life to a clock, would I be more considerate of the time spent on mourning old relationships? Would I force myself to wake up and move forward, finding my courage again?
The power in which I exited my marriage was intense and fierce, I felt amazing.
I don’t quite feel that way right now, I have lost a lot of my shine.
Perhaps this time around I am more afraid to be courageous because I am so hurt. I never thought I would say this about myself but I am finding it so very hard to open up again to a man for fear of getting hurt.
I was so ripe, so open, so in love with love last year that I am now scared that feeling that way creates the pain I feel now. I know that not all relationships lead to this place, but the thought of being here is enough to ward me off from any reckless desire to become involved too quickly.
I want to get back to the place I felt so much strength – I know that place and the feeling is impressive and potent. I want to have that strength, that vitality, coursing through my veins again.
I just don’t know how to get there.
I need to reframe, take stock, and get moving. Time is of the essence. I’m not getting any younger!