Foretold

Maggie May sent me a copy of something that I had written back in April 2014…while it sounded familiar – I could not, for the life of me, recall writing it.

I am so blessed that Maggie think I’m Sleeping Beauty and have the keys to my life, I just need to wake up.   I am quite honored that she had saved something from 2 years ago!

I dug back into those archives and found that it wasn’t actually something I had written, but a soothsayer had written about me.

Now, at the time, I was still early, early day in my separation.  In fact, in April 2014, I hadn’t yet let my x know that I was pretty decided upon separating.  That was till two months away.

But I solicited the soothsayer to read my fortune and she said some pretty amazing things.

The one that Maggie reminded me of was this:

 

Regarding your connection to your x, I see a flower that was once in full bloom. There was a time when this relationship was alive and vibrant. It bloomed and it filled your life with beauty. All flowers do eventually fade, of course; now this flower is withered – it’s like a bouquet you were given a long time ago, that is still sitting in a vase in the middle of your dining room table. Instead of bringing you joy, it has become something that you have to deal with, that you don’t want to deal with. You can’t bring yourself to toss it out…but it’s not going to bloom again. (this also applies to my more recent breakup, dead flowers)

I now see a clock, and my feeling is that you’re going to wake up – I see an alarm going off – and you’re going to realize how precious time is, and that you might want to get going on creating a more fulfilling life. …and this will make you really think about time, and how we have to find the courage to live a
big, bold and authentic life NOW.

When I step back and look at the big picture with all of this, I see this alarm clock going off, and you waking up, and realizing – it’s late! It’s getting late! What am I really doing? I need to get going. I need to find the courage to show myself and those I love that it’s not only okay and safe to follow your heart, to be real, but it’s the only way to find true peace, happiness and fulfillment. I then see you coming back to life in some ways…feeling more yourself than you have in a long time…and realizing that it’s good to just be free for a while, to breathe deep breaths again, to live as you want to live. Yes, it will take courage, but choosing fear is never the answer – that’s a path that is ever more deadening. You’re being called to find the courage to really live again.

 

While I would like to have such wonderful creative writing skills, I cannot attest to having written that, Maggie. 🙂

However, the advice is still great – if I could compare my life to a clock, would I be more considerate of the time spent on mourning old relationships?  Would I force myself to wake up and move forward, finding my courage again?

The power in which I exited my marriage was intense and fierce, I felt amazing.

I don’t quite feel that way right now, I have lost a lot of my shine.

Perhaps this time around I am more afraid to be courageous because I am so hurt.  I never thought I would say this about myself but I am finding it so very hard to open up again to a man for fear of getting hurt.

I was so ripe, so open, so in love with love last year that I am now scared that feeling that way creates the pain I feel now.  I know that not all relationships lead to this place, but the thought of being here is enough to ward me off from any reckless desire to become involved too quickly.

I want to get back to the place I felt so much strength – I know that place and the feeling is impressive and potent.  I want to have that strength, that vitality, coursing through my veins again.

I just don’t know how to get there.

I need to reframe, take stock, and get moving.  Time is of the essence.  I’m not getting any younger!

Author: Madeline Harper

My journey through divorce and an emotional and sexual reawakening. Love, laughter, friendships, family and heartbreak included. And there is sex, lots of it, so close your eyes and turn the page if that's not for you! While I started this blog as an endeavor to journal my thoughts and feelings in an attempt to better understand myself, it has become an amazing platform from which I have met some of the most interesting and wonderful people in my life. My path is often crooked, but I hope you will share in the journey with me.

8 thoughts on “Foretold”

  1. Ok maybe I had the context and author wrong – LOL, but the message is clear to me. Time is short so WE (you and me) must step outside our comfort zone and really go for it. I am sitting on the patio of my new place — an hour away from my clients. I am terrified and thrilled at the same time. I just thought of a new business idea that would let me work anywhere in the world so I could travel much more. The world is full of opportunities. Will we fail? Yes, sometimes, but failure teaches us. Will we get hurt? Unfortunately yes, but that is just how life’s journey goes. However, if we are being true to ourselves, taking positive actions and surrounding ourselves with good people who always support us while also telling ourselves the hard truths, then we will be fine. You have greatness, love and happiness inside you — you just need to find the key.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am so impressed by your courage my dearest, I admire you greatly. I know I don’t have the gumption for such a big change, just yet. Maybe later when I have done as good as a job as you in getting the young men off to college and out the door…but not yet. I’ve experienced many forms of failure or rejection over the last six months and I admit to being weary now.

      But I do agree the keys are within.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I practically wrote a novel in response to this post, as it touched on things that I’m feeling and struggling with just now. Then I deleted it, because it was turning into a long-winded whine-fest. Suffice to say, I also feel the clock ticking — and it makes me angry, because I don’t want to be on a time limit to change my life. I feel a lot of fear in regards to that — as well as the prospect of opening up my heart to a man, as I don’t want to be hurt again. I also worry that I’ll never find another man and will end up an (even more) wrinkled, gray hair spinster in my tiny one-bedroom apartment with a dozen cats. People tell me, “You’ll find someone better — someone who will love you the way you deserve to be loved.” — but will I really? I have many, many friends/acquaintances of my age or older that want to find love and haven’t. Eh — I’m going to stop now. Even this comment is starting to turn into a novel and is way too maudlin.

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    1. Novels welcome, Jana 🙂

      I’m not angry at all about a clock ticking, I just look at that as a challenge. Not to say that I don’t wish I wasn’t younger, more beautiful and all the things that go with youth – but I’m not complaining about my lot in life as many don’t have it as good as me….I try always to be tht cup half full person.

      However, I do totally understand where you are coming from with falling in love and finding the one. I worry about it too. Lots of that advice comes from single women in my world as well. I have to believe it’s true, hope if a powerful thing when you allow it in.

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  3. Beautifully said – both. Your fortune could easily have been mine, 6 years ago. In fact, it WAS. I don’t really have anything meaningful to say, but thank you for sharing this. I haven’t exactly fallen into a rut, but lately I’ve been feeling so caught up in the mundane pace of life that I’m not really “enjoying” it. We all need those reminders, that time marches on, with or without us. How we face it – is a choice.

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  4. Beautifully put. I have often wondered if I can ever love so intensely again, or if I should. I love being in love, though, so I think I’d risk it. But I’ll be way more careful about trusting someone next time. Still I want to have it all, so I’ll learn how to rise strong and choose wisely. Great post.

    Liked by 1 person

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