I did something stupid.
I didn’t think it was stupid at first, I thought it was funny.
But then, I paid attention to how I felt afterwards and I didn’t like it at all. Maggie and Ann are going to be pleased with the ending of this post. 🙂
I was lying in bed, bored, and scrolling through Tinder. I have enough on my plate that I don’t really care right now about Tinder, but, like I said, I was bored. I had just deleted every match from the last 2 months, leaving only the date I had coming up.
That’s when I saw him – Brix.
A very fast recap on Brix for those who are unfamiliar with the back story – a year ago I met a man online that fed me the Words of Affirmation I so desire. He fed them to me so strongly that I agreed to hop on a plane to LA to meet him for the first time and spend a weekend with him.
I was encouraged and cautioned in equal amounts. This was both exciting and scary.
While I was safe, it didn’t end well. It was over as fast as it started, but painfully so.
A year ago, I didn’t understand that you can’t really know a person through text, email, and Skype. You must meet the person. A year ago, I didn’t know that you shouldn’t spend your first date in another city for 3 days, locked into the same room. A year ago, I didn’t recognize the red flags flying everywhere. A year ago, I just didn’t know.
Now I do. Yet, I still make foolish mistakes.
So, I thought it was funny to swipe right on Brix. It made me laugh. Sure enough, we matched immediately.
Had I been smarter, I would have deleted the match immediately. Satisfied the curiosity and moved on. But my curiosity was greedy and I waited to see if he would text me.
He didn’t. He deleted me within the hour.
Yep. It hurt a teensy tiny bit, but hurt none-the-less. But it’s totally ok, because here’s what I know now….
I had the control over swiping right on him, I released the control by matching with him and allowing him to delete me. He matched with me for the exact same reason I matched with him – to satisfy his ego. Once his ego was satisfied that I might still be interested in him, he deleted me.
I realize in hindsight, I have no need to satisfy my ego with a man who hurt me the way he did.
However, I can say thanks to Brix, once again, for teaching me a lesson the hard way.
I won’t let it happen again.
A year ago, I really didn’t understand what the wise women of the blog-o-sphere were telling me about red flags, moving too fast and getting too excited over a stranger. Now I know. It’s very true you can identify so many of these markers across multiple situations. In the end, it all just depends on if you choose to recognize them or not.