What Does A Perfect Sunday Look Like To You?

There is probably only one sincere answer to this question for me: Lobsters, Oysters and Prosecco.

That constitutes the perfect (dating) Sunday.

I woke up in my own bed on Sunday after the night of debauchery with Mario.  I had already put it in my head I wasn’t going to hear from him today as he was going to be on a photo shoot.  It didn’t fully eliminate the thought that I wanted to hear from him.

I find it rather funny I know this guy is not worth my time, yet I am allowing him to encroach into too many thoughts.  I know there is no good that can come of Mario except sex.  And that would be fine if I didn’t like him so much.

I made myself a very late breakfast and started to hear from Finn by mid-day.  We chatted and he ultimately asked what my day plans were.  He knew I had a planned brunch, but was wondering why I hadn’t left yet.  I explained that the rain was so miserable that my friend and I decided we didn’t want to bother, plus I did tell him I got home around 6am.

He asked me how he could make my rainy afternoon better.

I smiled (oh, Ann, I’m sure I sent an emoji!) or laughed, but didn’t give an actual reply.  I was in my pajamas and on my couch and had no intentions of moving.

Until the text came through:

“How about I pick you up for an early dinner of Lobsters, Oysters and Prosecco?”

You have never seen me move so fast to shower and change!  That did it.

He selected the single only place near to my home that served decent oysters as well, he had done his research.

When he arrived and I jumped in the car, he turned on his GPS.  He said he actually wanted to take me into the city to his favorite place, but thought I might be too tired.  When he showed me his favorite restaurant, I nearly swooned because it’s one of the best oyster restaurants in the city.  My energy level rose immediately.

Yes, I know this shows just how spoiled I am, but why not?  I had spent most of my weekend with this man, he was obviously interested and wonderful, so why the hell not.

Because you feel like you are using him.

We drove into the city and had one hell of a lazy afternoon dinner.  The food is incredible, he ordered perfectly and we shared well.  He also cut and served my lobster for me, which is a big deal to me.  In other words, sharing a meal with him couldn’t have been any more perfect on that rainy Sunday afternoon.  He is such a pleasure, nice to look at, cares for me and considerate…and I’m in heaven food-wise.  Nothing could have been better.

The hours slipped by and I needed to get home for the kids to be dropped off.  It seems spending hour-after-hour with him all weekend didn’t drain the conversation or the inclination to see one another again.

Finn asks a lot of questions and shows sincere enthusiasm.  I actually have to remind myself to ask him questions, so I know this is a sign of my lack of engagement.

Marty asked what is going to be the right temperature for me?  I don’t know.  Finn is pretty wonderful but the butterflies are not there.  He’s neither hot nor cold, just warm and caring.  Would it be wrong to enjoy this for a little while with him?

I fell asleep a little bit in the car ride home after another bottle of Prosecco in my already addled blood stream.

When he wrote goodnight to me that evening:

“I loved looking at you gently sleeping in my car on the way back last night.  I keep thinking about it.  I hadn’t seen your face in full profile up until then.  It’s really really adorable and very kissable.”

Every night there is a sweet kiss and every morning a happy little emoji guy.

Finn has since asked me how he can make me that happy again and I replied there was only one other thing that held the same weight…and if he had read my profile closely he would know what it was.  I waited a bit for him to go back to my OKC profile, as I knew he would, and sure enough he came back with the little shoe emoji.

Yep, the next perfect date would be shoe shopping.

He made me laugh when he sent me an article about a Chinese man who jumped 7 stories to his death after his girlfriend spent 5 hours shoe shopping and he couldn’t stand it anymore!

Oh, Finn, what am I going to do with you?  I really like you, but I have to approach the “jungle book” conversation (have no idea how to do that) before we have sex again and I just don’t know how to get the sparks going between us on my end.

 

Author: Madeline Harper

My journey through divorce and an emotional and sexual reawakening. Love, laughter, friendships, family and heartbreak included. And there is sex, lots of it, so close your eyes and turn the page if that's not for you! While I started this blog as an endeavor to journal my thoughts and feelings in an attempt to better understand myself, it has become an amazing platform from which I have met some of the most interesting and wonderful people in my life. My path is often crooked, but I hope you will share in the journey with me.

51 thoughts on “What Does A Perfect Sunday Look Like To You?”

    1. Considering it’s only been a few dates, and I am quickly making up my mind….it’s not as if he’s been on an extended abuse plan over here…he’s had a great time with me – obviously is getting enough attention to come back for me and is hardly neglected physically. All this stuff is going on in my head…I need to get some of it out so I can think through it…but you and Marty seem to think that I need to move through these decisions much faster than I am which I don’t agree with. I feel like there is some potential here with Finn and maybe I just need time…so I’m not willing to cut him off entirely.
      I also won’t allow it to go on much longer if it continues to feel the same to me…and I will tell him and be honest and gentle.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I don’t disagree you are making decisions more quickly which is great. For me it’s all about intentions… You know deep down there’s no spark and therefore no real potential. You’ve been trying to convince yourself otherwise because he’s so keen and sweet. It’s impossible for him to know the difference, but when you know what your gut tells you, you should act accordingly very quickly.
        I don’t know if there’s where Marty is coming from obviously, but that’s my point of view.

        Liked by 3 people

      2. It just bugs the crap out of me, this whole “pick a daisy petal” thing, “maybe I like him”, “no I can’t”. I actually have no problem with you taking time to make up your mind … except that you always come back with no butterflies and all that hair so there’s no way, so deep down your mind IS made up. If memory serves me correctly, way, way, way back, in the beginning, the sky was initially not crowded with butterflies when you first met you-know-who. But you’re the worst kind of flip-flopper … my mind is made up … no wait … lobster, no it’s not. It just serves to lead him on. As Ann so correctly says, this is the kind of stuff from men that you can’t stand.

        Liked by 3 people

      3. I think you are way to hard on me because you have the opportunity to read every thought in my head. I would tend to think most people go through flip flops in their head until they make decisions. This is only over a period of 4 days so I would say that it’s hardly abuse!!

        Liked by 1 person

      4. I’m going to disagree with you my dear. As Marty says, you’ve already highlighted things that are non starters for you. But you’ve engaged in self talk to convince yourself otherwise. And yes, you did it with the Cowboy too. You’re mind is made up, you just don’t like what it’s telling you. I get it – I’ve been there – but your decision isn’t flip flopping, your rationalizing brain is trying to make a different decision…

        Liked by 1 person

      5. I did it with Bobby After months and months and months.

        Perhaps my mind was made up, but allowing Finn to treat me well for one day, which was really perfect – and when I needed it – doesn’t mean I am making poor dating choices.

        I think it would be poor of me to continue with him …. So I do disagree that I have made bad decisions up til now. I was working through dating a nice guy.

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      1. Yes. Too hard. You know why – he is the first guy I’m on the fence about in months that is actually worth dating and I let him spoil me ONCE. So yes, it’s too hard. If I was letting it go on for weeks, or I will even give you several dates, then your comments hold more weight.

        But it was once.

        I disagree with both you and Ann. I think I like him enough to try. I tried as much as I could within reason over a 2 week period.

        Now I need to be forthcoming with him.

        But to be spoiled exactly one time, yes, I think you are both going to extremes about how fast I should or shouldn’t be moving.

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      2. To be perfectly clear it’s not about the speed inherently. It’s about whether we continue to engage with someone after we know they aren’t right, and listening to our gut about it. That’s all. Sometimes it doesn’t happen right away, but once it does, once our gut knows the person isn’t right for us, the longer we take to act on it, the more we are being douchebags. You aren’t alone in the behaviour and I’m not trying to be hard on you because I think many of us have been there. But it ties into my comment about you being picky / not picky. Something you have struggled with many times is continuing to engage with men after they exhibit BIG red flags or you know something isn’t right for you. There is something that overrides these things for you, and looking deep into that (your fave thing, I know) could be the key to unlocking more dating success.
        Maybe. I’m no expert 😜😜😜😜

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I don’t think decisions should be made too fast. You just never know what can change in a day and he is a good man that I really held out hope for. I wasn’t ready to move fast in dismissing him as the good outweighed the bad, until the sex.

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  1. He sounds so lovely. I absolutely love the warm, easy flow in a relationship… to me it seems ideal over the long-term (imagine – growing old together). But that mind-blowing chemistry is so intoxicating and desirable too. I wonder if it’s truly possible to have both – over the long-term. The mind-blowing chemistry is what starts the engines in the early stages, but it’s the warm easy flow that’s like the oil that keeps things smooth for the long haul. Meanwhile, back in the Congo… I’ve heard of parting the lady seas, but his? Oy. I guess as long as you can FIND it, ….

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yea, that whole long term thing was h ow I got involved in my marriage in the first place….I don’t know that I can choose a man based on just the long haul – there needs to be some excitement in the beginning and Finn is falling flat in my heart and loins.

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      1. It’s all a matter of perspective. You could look at it like you asked (for nice dinners, companionship, etc) and now you’re receiving it. Telling him that you don’t see things getting any more serious is also an option. If he chooses to continue taking you out after that, would you still feel like you’re using him? If you downright dislike him or he turns you off, that’s a different story. Lol

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I don’t think I could allow someone to treat me as well as he does and care for me unless there was hope of a romantic connection. He adores me. It wouldn’t be fair and I wouldn’t be comfortable.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. And they say the path to a man’s heart is through his stomach! Ha lobster, oysters, and prosecco. With a stopover at your toesie-wosies. You realize how shallow you are coming across? The woman in search of deeper meaning and fulfillment. Who can’t get beyond the (apparent) dearth of a host of butterflies, SMH!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yes, I do realize how shallow this is coming across…in fact, I don’t think I have ever tried to hide how shallow I can actually be at times, it happens. Finn is getting plenty of attention from me as well, I hardly think he is neglected!

      And, yes, those ever elusive butterflies seem to be quite a deal breaker for me.

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  3. Hi Madeline, he sounds so wonderful in so many ways. I wonder–is there a way to address the hair issue without hurting him? If that’s the main thing standing in your way, it would be sad to throw the rest away. How about a waxing party? Just kidding….I know how delicate this is….But he otherwise seems like he would be a good partner. I totally get the hair thing, though.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Lisa, He is a great man, but he’s not the man for me and I already know this, so even the hair thing becomes irrelevant. I am sure I can find a way to address it properly, but it’s not really the core issue.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Sounds like he’s not enough of a challenge and that you need more sparks…or butterflies….. Nothing wrong with enjoying it for what is is right now….

        Liked by 1 person

  4. He would have lost me at “lobster, clams and Prosecco.” I don’t even know what Prosecco is and I have never had a lobster or a clam. The shoes? Now I could do the shoes!
    I say, like the others, enjoy him as long as you want! Buying lobster, clams and Prosecco (cheese?) doesn’t mean you’re engaged!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Well, he knows my taste in food and drink as we have shared these discussions. But shoes, I wouldn’t abuse the privilege. My shoes are expensive.

      Prosecco is Italian Champagne.

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      1. Oh, shit. LOL Maybe I was thinking about Prosciutto. I think you should have as much fun as you can…and keep telling us about it. I love reading your blogs. I can actually picture you, him, the restaurant…and yes, the lobster when it was thrown into the pot of boiling water, screaming…”help me!” LOL

        Liked by 1 person

  5. I don’t think there’s anything wrong having a great meal. Shallow? Absolutely not. Who wouldn’t want to have good company over great food???
    But I do believe that honesty plays a huge part in any relationship. It is a vital component. Maybe telling him how you feel will make things clearer. Heck he may not mind at allllll and will continue to see you. But you will never know unless you take that step

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, I do agree with that – but I haven’t been honest up to this point and actually it’s probably too early to make an assessment. We haven’t even had sex yet and that will be the tell-all finally.
      He is having a great time and I am sure to make him happy and comfortable.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I am absolutely all in favor of taking your time, dating Finn, getting to know one another. However, as others have pointed out, you have an extraordinarily powerful mind and the ability to rationalize any anything and everything to get where you want to be and ensure your needs are met. Many of us have watched you do it through the your blogging years, so understandably we express our concerns when you seem to be engaging in risky behaviors.

    That said, dating is not a precise, fairly executed transactional equation. Sometimes it’s he buys dinner, you purchase tickets for the theater. Or maybe it’s he invites you out on a date tailor made to your preferences and designed to delight you, and it does and that makes him happy and your joy in the event is his payoff. But if there is no chemistry, perhaps it is better to just have an honest conversation about how much you genuinely like him but are not sexually attracted to him before you go out on another date designed to please you in a romantic sense. After that, if he still wants to date you and do things that thrill you, then your conscience is clearer. And maybe your heart and mind will soften toward him and you will find that the chemistry and butterflies unexpectedly come pay a visit.

    He sounds like a very nice, genuine, authentic guy. As much as I am ALWAYS Team M in my support, I think you have a good sense of your feelings and are not being completely transparent in your dealings with Finn. It bothers me, but I also know nothing I say is likely to impact your actions. I merely bring it up in hopes for an outcome where you take his feelings into consideration and treat him with the gentle kindness he seems to deserve.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I do listen but don’t always follow instruction 😬😳.

      I don’t think this short dating stint with Finn is a bad thing. I wanted to date a nice guy, I found one, it didn’t work. I did try to override the signals my brain was sending in favor of Finn being pretty spectacular.
      For that very reason, I wouldn’t lead him on. I just don’t think 2 weeks is leading him on – it’s been just enough time to determine I shouldn’t (or in fact, couldn’t).
      I did go in the date hoping sparks could come. But they don’t.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. And I agree – both that you read/listen and that 2 weeks is inadequate to lead Finn on. Perhaps I (and others in the comments) misinterpreted your intentions going forward with him.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. No, I know I am not and that’s why I have to be forthcoming with Finn….he is a really good man. I do like him and enjoy his company so much. So much so that I am having trouble cutting him off. But it’s not fair to Finn.

        Liked by 1 person

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