Chemistry Always Wins

Just before I arrived to the bar, Mario replied “Come over.”

Two text later, he was leaving his apartment to meet me at the bar, and maybe a friend of his would come as well.

When I arrived and told Boo that Mario was coming, she wasn’t happy.  She doesn’t like him and wanted me to cut him off after all the game playing.  ASV and Boo would be very aligned in this respect.  Boo also coined Mario as the douchebag, just sayin’.

We drank for some time before Mario arrived and he slipped onto the couch next to me and kissed me on the lips and held me for a moment.  I saw the look cross Boo’s face, I know her too well.  They had conversation for a while and we got around to discussing the next trip Boo and I wanted to take – find a cool city to go see Depeche Mode.  We tossed around Abu Dhabi, Berlin, London and Barcelona.  Mario, a pretty famous fashion photographer, has lived and traveled all over the world, so this was an easy conversation for him to participate in.  But a weird thing kept happening, he fought for my attention with Boo.

This was subtle, really subtle, but at the moment he turned my chin away from her as I was talking, to look at him and acknowledge him, I knew she would see and hear it and be upset.  He turned my chin when I didn’t directly acknowledge him saying “And I will go with you, we will do that together, that will be so much fun to do together.”

Now, come on.  This is a second date.  Some of these concerts are as far out as early  2017.  The ones we were mostly choosing were the earliest in September.  I did nod and say yes to him, but without looking at him directly.  By turning my chin to him, he was forcing me to look him in the eye and say “yes, of course, darling, we will have so much fun!” When I didn’t mean a word of it.

Now in my fantasy world – that’s the perfect scene. My mans turns my chin to look him in the eye so I know how serious he was about spending time with me in the distant future doing something we both love.

Sort of makes me a bit mad he’s messing with my perfect fantasy.

Mario is a bit flakey, by the best standards.  Don’t even ask me what attracts me, he just does, right through to my core.  He makes it all tingle. A complete asshat at his best and I’m still soaking wet at the thought of him close to me.

Call this what you will but this is chemistry at its best.

We flutter around the bar for a bit until Boo leaves and the group moves on to a Dominican dance club.  I notice on the walk there that his friend is pretty good-looking, even if he had poor taste in shirts and looked bit like “Where’s Waldo.”  Mario held my hand on and off, but I didn’t have that feeling he cared if I was close or not.

At the dance club I saw keys exchange hands between Mario and his friend.  I knew what was coming next and I was fine with it.  We would be heading to his friends luxurious apartment because, as I recently found out, Mario is still living in the same apartment with his wife until September.

Yep.  You heard that right.

He’s as married as I am, but they live in a 2 bedroom apartment until they can sell it and split the assets.  I haven’t asked, but where do you guess he sleeps?

I don’t really care.  He showed me what he is made of already and it’s douchebag material.  I’m here for the fuck and fun.

And that’s all I am going to get from him, I’m certain, regardless of how many times he asked if I would be his girl and his woman all night.  How many times he told me I was utterly perfect I am for him.  How absolutely right he feels with me.  How happy I make him. And on and on and on.   If only I could believe it, he would deliver on my Words of Affirmation like no other.

Mario is a douchebag.  My descriptive language for him is quite limited, as you see.

Anyway, little soapbox speech aside, we danced, drank, and left the dance hall.  Made our way back to the apartment and fooled around.

I was right. I knew it. I could smell the sex on him.   Holy-hot-as-hell Batman would he be an amazing fuck…if I wasn’t indisposed.  We worked around it.  His tongue sent me over the edge twice.  His fingers were in any crevice they could find purchase.  His shaven head between my legs was the ultimate turn on, the muscles through his shoulders and back phenomenal.  All this man needs to do is touch me and I’m a goner.  Just. Done.

We moved from the couch to the bed, door wide open.  Of course I was aware that his friends would be home at some point, I didn’t care.

We fooled around for another hour or more on the bed.  He is average cock size but just the right size, not too small and small enough to swallow vigorously just on the edge of a choke as he pushed my head down head to fuck my face.  The perfect girth.  At least for a blow job or anal, sex is still up to be determined.  We laughed and sweated and sexed a long time.

Perfect.  Really just perfect.

I knew it.  The chemistry never lies.

His friends walked in, we didn’t care.  They shut the door for us but came in several times more.  We listened to them have sex and joked we needed to up our game.  His friend crawled in bed at one point, and I am certain, had I wanted to, I could have had them both.  Another time.  Mario did eventually tell his friend (it was his friends bed after all) that it was our first time together and his friend exited gracefully, naked the whole time.  His friends body being equally as gorgeous, though better endowed than Mario’s.

We laughed so much in between play.  Ah, this brought back memories of my relationship two summers ago. The laughter is that one ingredient that seems the most elusive.  To be silly and sexual all rolled into one.  To go from hysterical laughter to mad sex, albeit without penetration in this case.  This moment makes all his douchebaginess worth it to me.  He has all the magic words to carry me away and I allowed him to do so.

Just before falling asleep, I suggested I should leave.  He didn’t want me to, but I knew the morning light would shine on the truth of the situation and I wasn’t up for it.  I wanted to wake in my own bed.  It was already well past 5am in any case.

He left with me and sent a sweet goodnight text.

Then I didn’t hear from him for 2 days.

Until I sent him a text, again.

(Don’t chastise me, please. )

He said I blew his mind on Saturday night and he would get in touch the next day.

That never happened either and I sit here sort of sad and rejected knowing it’s fully of my own doing.  I know that if I continue this I will get more and more hurt as his actions are now consistent thoughtlessness and carelessness.  The night was fun, I don’t regret it.

But, if I chase him just to sleep with him, I probably will regret that, won’t I?

Fuck.

I want to fuck him, but the only thing I will succeed in doing here is fucking with my own head.

But, basically we had two perfect evenings and I am getting nothing in return.  He’s made himself clear, it’s up to me to hold my own ground.

I just don’t know if I care to.

The last communication with him went like this:


I haven’t heard from him since then.  I have no doubt if I text he will answer, but not engage.  Oh what’s the point.   I’m all “fuck yes!” For someone who sidelined me.

I have promised myself not to text him again, though I didn’t block him.

Author: Madeline Harper

My journey through divorce and an emotional and sexual reawakening. Love, laughter, friendships, family and heartbreak included. And there is sex, lots of it, so close your eyes and turn the page if that's not for you! While I started this blog as an endeavor to journal my thoughts and feelings in an attempt to better understand myself, it has become an amazing platform from which I have met some of the most interesting and wonderful people in my life. My path is often crooked, but I hope you will share in the journey with me.

35 thoughts on “Chemistry Always Wins”

    1. I think I’ve already given him more than I wanted. If I even felt a tinge of “why isn’t he calling” that’s too much. He proved himself the first week in his communication style. So I shouldn’t feel this way.

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  1. Oh.. I know about chemistry. It is soooo hard to resist. 😦
    But you know who this guy is, even if there is some good sex there, it would probably hurt you if you kept in touch. It is always a huuge red flag, when the guy doesn’t care about consistency in texting. I agree with you, he is a douchebag, even if he is a sexy d-bag. Glad that you had some sexy times, anyway! Take care, xo.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am actively ignoring them in this post already – right? The worst danger is staying with him Thinking it can change. It won’t. I am cutting the cord unless I happen to hear from him again

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  2. Oh Lawd, been there done that. There’s something about that level of chemistry and lack of commitment that always seem to go hand-in-hand. I’m remembering one very specifically. I do believe, however, that one can have both but you have to really do some digging.

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  3. Ah, Boo….she’s my best! Agree a total douchebag and full narcissism thing going on. If someone did that turning my head shit, I’d rip him another hole.

    My Roman is this kind of lying arsehole, but as it’s only about sex, it’s okay. He always comes begging back again after I’ve told him to GTFO of my life.

    Treat these types with the same contempt they treat you and enjoy the by product of angry sex. LB xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I should try that! My guess is that he is so narcissist that he will walk away if I say a peep to him. Way to sensitive and needy.

      Can you imagine turning my head one night then no contact for days after? What does it take to be that fucked in the head to think it’s ok to treat people like that?

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  4. You have a fun sex life. I don’t know how you find these guys! Chemistry and hot sex… pretty damn fun. Lol!

    Be careful, like everyone warns and you as well know. You are very aware but it’s not that that gets you in trouble, it’s the lack of caring at the moment and then caring later.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Haha – yes you haven’t followed long enough! I have learned very recently to move on faster. But none of these guys have made it “in”. It’s the attachment piece I have trouble with.

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  5. At least you had your fun! Definitely don’t text. If he texts you, if you’re up for some awesome sex, go for it. But from the sounds of it, his douchiness probably isn’t worth any emotional investment.

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      1. Wow! Yea, typical douche trying to string a girl along. Just try to separate your emotions from it if you do end up sleeping with him again. Remind yourself that he’s not worth more than a good lay.

        Liked by 1 person

  6. So, this guy actually took hold of your chin and pulled your head around until you were looking at him? Because he was insecure that you were talking to your girlfriend? Or so narcissistic that he feels he is the most important person in the room? Neither is acceptable. What is going on deep inside Madeline that makes you want to chase a guy that is an asshole — just because he may be good in the sack? As my dear mama used to warn me when I was dating an inappropriate boy, “You marry the people you date.” I think in your case this could be revised to, “You get into damaging, hurtful relationships with the people you screw.” If you don’t want to go there — if he is not acceptable for a relationship (and obviously he is NOT) — then don’t invite trouble. You was just about sex with your past relationships that ended up ripping your heart out. I don’t think “just about sex” works well for you.

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    1. You know I do wonder why he did that…it’s the type of behavior that reeks of possessivness, yet his indifference after the date wasn’t possessive. Maybe he doesn’t like that I don’t fall into his arms and beg for his attention? This has crossed my mind that I am not particualrly sappy with him in person (in myhead,yes, but cool in person).

      You hit the nail on the head – why do I want to chase him There is no value in it and I feel bad about myself afterwards. It’s the chemistry, that’s about it, like a shot of a drug in my arm when I am with him.

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