When It All Goes To Shit

I lost my job last week.  I’m not ready to talk about it so kindly please refrain from any comments or discussion about it.  Thanks, I appreciate it.

I needed to tell you that because the posts that are about to follow would make less sense if you didn’t understand my frame of mind.

Last week, the night before I lost my job, my Dad went into the hospital.  I knew something was wrong and both my father and my brother insisted I was being ridiculous.  I can write a whole post about my feelings on this, but I’m not.  Suffice to say, he was almost dead.  Again.  In any case, he got to the hospital in time, he’s home now and he’s fine. And, frankly, he’s going to give me a heart attack from nervous anxiety if he doesn’t stop pushing the envelope with his health.

So, Dad’s in the hospital.  I pretty much know I am losing my job and have been sick over it for weeks.  Here I am doing everything I can to get my mojo back and this shit has to happen.

Ok, so the good news is that I am mostly over Bobby.  He’s not dead and gone, and luckily the timing of Mr. Electricity came when I needed it most – before I lost my job.  So, that helped, a LOT.  I started to get the dating mojo back or otherwise there may have been a good chance that all my confidence ended up on the bottom of the Pit of Despair.  While I have spent time in the Pit of Despair all too recently, I really wasn’t looking forward to heading back down there for some time.  I had enough between Bobby and my health scare.

I chose to ignore the shock to my system of losing my job and just get flat-out ridiculous for 4 days straight.  It could have been worse.

A lot worse.

I wasn’t half as wicked as I would have been had I not gotten my period a week early and with some kind of awful vengeance.

I suppose at some point I may want to evaluate how much I like to drink.  I know I’m not an alcoholic, I just love how it makes me feel when I’m ready to feel like that.  I don’t desire it in-between times and I have no craving for it.  However, my judgment is lacking when I’m tipsy. Actually, I think my current judgement as it relates to men is generally lacking right now.  I want to fuck.  A lot.  I want to get my job situation off my mind a little while and be fucked.  I don’t even care if I get used.

Yep. That’s about how I feel right now.  I haven’t cried, I just drank and drank and drank.  And then, when I am able, I’m going to fuck and fuck and fuck.

So, sit back, get ready for the entertainment.  Don’t judge, just enjoy.

And, believe me, those of you who know me well, it’s not half of what it would have been had I not been indisposed.  This is just bad judgement at its best.




Author: Madeline Harper

My journey through divorce and an emotional and sexual reawakening. Love, laughter, friendships, family and heartbreak included. And there is sex, lots of it, so close your eyes and turn the page if that's not for you! While I started this blog as an endeavor to journal my thoughts and feelings in an attempt to better understand myself, it has become an amazing platform from which I have met some of the most interesting and wonderful people in my life. My path is often crooked, but I hope you will share in the journey with me.

44 thoughts on “When It All Goes To Shit”

  1. About “going to fuck and fuck and fuck”…do it…do it…do it.
    Nobody has the right to judge how you choose to repair what is broken. Glad your daddy is okay.
    You know what they say….”kick back, have a drink and spread ’em!” LOL

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I’m so sorry about all that stuff happening. I’m glad that your dad is doing fine now.
    And there’s nothing wrong with wanting to F***. Lol. Heck sometimes I go crazy because I’m so horny. But it is what it is. I need to take care of business before jumping onto that wagon lol

    Liked by 1 person

  3. No judgment here. Sometimes you just need to spend some time fucking as often as possible. Been there. Just be careful. And hate details 🙂 sorry about your dad too. Been there with my dad and it almost tore the family apart. Love yourself first.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Sometimes some serious sexual excitement can help!
    As far as everything else goes, you are moving into a new chapter in the book of your life, and it’s going to be great!
    Everything will be okay, you’ll see!
    Hang in there, Sweetie!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Life sometimes seems to love fucking with us — if you can get some relief by fucking others and know you won’t regret it — then do what you need to do (but keep your wits about you) 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I’ve been in dark before, more than I’d like to admit…and I made it through..lots of wine…good friends and family…and even this completely awesome blog…soooo… I know there is an upside eventually…but so have you, maybe different…. But you have had your share of dark and gloomy days….you will be fine. I know you will. You’ve got awesome friends and wine at your reach… Do as you need or wish to feel better…. At the least they will be experiences….change is the only thing in this life that is consistent… Accept it for what it is….yes, when one door closes another opens… But, I’m well aware that it’s not that easy..before a better one eventually opens, you’ve gone through some shitty ones ….lol…in the meanwhile… I fully support all the drunken decisions you will make :)!

    Hugs my dear!!!


    1. Hello my darling – I figured life was super busy. I am so sorry to hear about your job – you’re sure? I hated the feeling leading up to losing my job. All I can say is that I was lucky I was so convinced it would turn out ok, and then it actually turned out better than ever expected.


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