By the time we actually left the bar, it was late, well past 1am.

There was the possibility when we arrived to my home we would just fall asleep.  We entertained that idea for a while.  Then pretty much laughed it off.  The intensity of the last kiss by the bar was too overwhelming, for both of us.

I wasn’t sure what to expect and I took this as a good thing.  I wasn’t comparing him to anyone and I was in a space where I was happy to let things happen as they may.  I already knew that taking him home potentially ruins every chance there was for any sincere relationship to occur.

He was more thoughtful than I was.  I wanted to have sex, and while he did as well, he wanted to respect me and wait.  He was afraid if we had sex that he wouldn’t feel the same the next day.  I was taking a huge risk.

Those were his words.

Some little earworm kept telling me he was full of shit – while I think he would have waited, there was something else there telling me just fuck it and have sex.  Let’s see if he’s all talk.

M being M, I did it anyway.  I know why I did it.  I was too horny, it had been too long since I had felt this way and I clearly have difficulty controlling my impulsive side.  I also wasn’t really sure how physically attracted to him I was.  Turning on my libido is not an immensely difficult thing to do once I’m drinking, especially once I drank as much as I had that evening.  My first physical reaction to him was “I’m not so sure about this.”   Is it possible I was self-sabotaging?  He was a great catch and I was trying to ensure I couldn’t catch him?  Maybe I was testing myself.  I’m not really sure I have the answers here but I knew full well I could be making a huge mistake.

I’m a risk taker.  Not always a smart one, either.  I did what felt right turned me on at the time.

When we arrived home, I knew he was starving so I quickly took out the frying pan and before he knew what was happening, I made him an egg, cheese and pork roll sandwich.  Let me tell you, there is nothing better than this sandwich when you are drunk or hung over, just nothing.  If a woman is going to win her way into a man’s heart I’m pretty sure all you need to do is feed him this sandwich.

He was thrilled and again, showered me with compliments that I would cook something for him in the middle of the night.

We laughed and ate our sandwiches between kisses.

By the time we got into bed it was late.  There was a fleeting moment where I entertained the idea of simply saying goodnight to him and I’m certain he would have accepted it from me and remained a gentleman.  But, then he took off his shirt.  For 48 years old, his arms and shoulders made me melt.  There was no way I wasn’t grabbing on to them tonight.

He was all about pleasing me.  For hours, it seemed.  He wouldn’t even let me think of doing anything for him.  There wasn’t an inch of skin on my body that wasn’t attended to over and over.  His kisses were like silk and his tongue sending jolts of electricity through to my core.  Skilled doesn’t quite cover his expertise with his tongue.  The way he satisfied me was beyond compare.  Somehow, he found the keys to my body and unlocked those not-so-easy to come by orgasms one after the other until I was a pile of jelly on my bed.  I had no choice but to lie back and enjoy his attention.  He wanted nothing from me.  Honestly, I didn’t even know what was between his legs for a very, very long time.

When he did finally come up for air and I was able to explore him, I think I died and went to heaven.  His cock was beautiful.  Thick and long.  I couldn’t wait to wrap my mouth around it.  We fooled around a bit and then it just sort of ended, for probably no other reason than we were exhausted.  We didn’t cuddle.  I passed out.

An hour or so later, I was woken up again, his hard cock pressed against my leg and his hands roaming my body.  I was delirious but rolled over and climbed on top of him.  It’s been too long since I enjoyed this position.  It was glorious.  Dreamy sex is the best when you are half delirious.

We fell back to sleep yet again and woke entangled in one another.  He went down on me again for some time and I begged him to come and fuck me.  He was more than ready to oblige.  The morning sex was as good as the other times during the night, no it was better.  Longer and deeper and more sensuous.  He doesn’t make any sounds which makes me a bit sad, I like loud sex.  When he came it was so quiet and intense.  He asked if he could stay on top of me for a bit and just hold me and I was happy lying under him within his strong grasp.

It wasn’t long before we started kissing again and I asked him if he would mind if I pulled out my vibrator.  I think I surprised myself when I asked to do this!  I was worked up from the sex and wanted to cum quickly.  He was so excited about this and asked how he could help.  He sucked on my nipples and used his amazing fingers while I worked the Hitachi.  It didn’t take long to join him in bliss.  We lie together for a while and then he excused himself to leave.

It wasn’t until I was in the shower that I realized I hadn’t shaved my legs for at least a week!  I was also peeling horribly from my sunburn from vacation a couple of weeks back!  Yuck!  I laughed at myself because I would never have had sex if I had thought of that before hand!  Clearly, he didn’t seem to mind.  Or even if he did – he didn’t say a word about it.

I sent him a text a few hours later to see if his drive home (his family lives several hours away and he goes home on the weekends) and he called me immediately.  He said so many lovely and encouraging things about our evening and asked when he could see me again.  We agreed on my free night next week.

I heard from him again, later that evening, but I was too tired to reply to the text.  All he said was “I’m totally not thinking of sex” in reference to the joke we made at the bar that sex was all he had on his mind.

I replied to the text the next morning and we had a very light back and forth, nothing of significance.

I found myself thinking of him throughout the day.  I found myself going over our conversations and thinking over if I made the fatal mistake or not.

Up to this point, I didn’t feel that I had made the mistake.  His behaviors and speech didn’t indicate there was any problem.  He was already making plans for the upcoming date.

I admit, this is the first second third time I (sort-of) regret jumping into bed with a potential suitor.  He was worth exploring and I probably have shot myself in the foot. Not everything was perfect about our connection, but I think there was possibility.

In fact, if I am really honest in hindsight – although I slept with him, he was the one bringing up sex continually.  He alluded to the fact that the logistics between us would make it difficult to have any other kind of relationship.

I can’t undo what’s been done.

One thing I do know….it’s the first time in 5 months I haven’t cried and enjoyed every minute of my evening.

Sex was so good.




Author: Madeline Harper

My journey through divorce and an emotional and sexual reawakening. Love, laughter, friendships, family and heartbreak included. And there is sex, lots of it, so close your eyes and turn the page if that's not for you! While I started this blog as an endeavor to journal my thoughts and feelings in an attempt to better understand myself, it has become an amazing platform from which I have met some of the most interesting and wonderful people in my life. My path is often crooked, but I hope you will share in the journey with me.

33 thoughts on “Electricity”

  1. Oh M! Sounds like you had a most wonderful time with this one! I really hope that he was kidding when he said that he would not respect you in the morning. Here’s to many more great times and happiness. You deserve it!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. “Skilled doesn’t quite cover his expertise with his tongue?” What the hell does that mean? LOL
    I’m thinking it wasn’t my “puritan ways” after all. I’m thinking I was with somebody who was..um…lacking?
    So….are you going to see him again?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Nope, won’t see him again – I don’t expect so at least.

      I have much higher standards and expectations than 1 year ago now….all it took was one great lover to knock me into shape. The good news was that this man DID NOT pale in comparison to my boyfriend last year….he would have been fun to play with a bit more.


  3. Glad you went for it. I hope it works out. Personally, I don’t think that having sex on the first night or waiting should matter. I’ve had sex early on and have turned it into a longterm relationship in the past. I think it’s about communicating expectations and being honest with yourself if you have chemistry outside of the bedroom if you want it to be a relationship and not just casual sex. I think it’s ridiculous for a guy to want to have sex right away and then write you off as a potential suitor because you had sex too early. Both parties participated in the sex, using an excuse like “I wanted to have sex, and while he did as well, he wanted to respect me and wait. He was afraid if we had sex that he wouldn’t feel the same the next day.” Sex shouldn’t change how you feel for someone negatively. That’s basically a form of slut-shaming by saying that he wouldn’t feel the same way if he has sex with you that night.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Gosh you read my mind….I actually wrote a post on this to go up this week – I really, really want to believe this is the case, but I haven’t seen it actually happen in real life yet. For some reason it doesn’t play out that way.

      I never thought of it as a form of slut shaming but you are right, it is.

      It would be much easier to have sex quickly and see if you want to continue in my opinion…if sex is a primary importance to you in a furture relationship…it would certainly get things moving more quickly!

      Thanks for sharing your thoughts!!

      Liked by 1 person

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