I have learned the hard way not to do a few very specific things when attempting to set up dates on-line:
- Do not go straight to texting, give yourself a little time to feel comfortable.
- Never go on a date after just a couple of text, learn something.
- Do not text endlessly until you meet the man, you need to get to know them in person and have something to talk about.
I have made these mistakes a number of times and it never works out. It’s worth the little bit of effort it takes to text a little, chat a little, exchange more photos and then meet for a drink.
Know what you are getting, people.
I could write a much bigger list of not-to-do’s but this will suffice for now. (and, honestly, friends, I am still making tons of dating mistakes so I would rather not highlight that fact at the moment!) Today is about communication in particular, speaking to someone too much before a first date.
You do one of two things – either you set yourself up for a fall, or you set yourself up for a fall. Ha. That’s about it.
If you speak to them too much before the first date you could like them a whole lot. Then you meet in person and there is no chemistry. Dead. Over. Letdown.
Or, you can speak to them too much before the first date and start to hear things you don’t like and get you sort of turned off before you even meet, already starting the unintentional process of elimination in your head.
Case in point, I met a man on Bumble, we chatted a bit and switched to text. We were due to go out in a few days, but he cancelled our first date with plenty of notice and rescheduled for a week later. Although his reason for cancelling didn’t seem flaky, I just assumed he would disappear. However, he did reschedule based on my availability for the next week. A day or so after the cancellation he wrote again and asked me for a phone conversation.
Now, my friends and I disagree on the phone conversation thing. Several of my friends say that only men in their mid to late 40s want to talk on the phone, those silly Gen X’ers (which means 1965-1984, so it actually covers more than 40 year olds!) However, my friends who state this neglect to realize that, while they may be younger than me, they are still in the same generational bracket! However, they have a lot more dating experience in the Millennial generation (which the media designates as the worst generation ever!) and I suppose this is one of those crappy Millennial things – no one wants to speak on the phone anymore.
Anyway, I agreed and we chatted for a while. There was a lot to like about this man, a whole lot. He was handsome, well-educated, fantastic job, well-traveled, divorced, and super intelligent. There was really nothing not to like about him, he met all of my criteria. His communication was consistent and good and had just enough peppering of sweet.
Then we spoke. I heard an almost-effeminate purr in his voice. He called his son his “little angel.” He is a creative type and I understand creatives tend to be a little airy at times but he spoke about the quality of his next relationship in terms of soulmate. I started to back-pedal because I interpreted all of this as soft.
Soft is not for me.
He asked me where I would like to go, suggesting a few places and we agreed upon a perfect location – hip and romantic at the same time. A very cool locale.
So, except for the interpretation I made of him….he really is perfect on paper.
But now I have this earworm telling me he is soft and I don’t know how to get rid of that.
So, we shall see how this date goes and if an in person meeting changes my initial perspective.
He has been quite consistent to send at least one sweet text each day, but no more than that…which is a good thing.
There is a glimmer of hope. He is a lovely man.
well, until I showed my dad his photo (just by way of conversation) and he frowned and exclaimed “Maddy, he’s not for you, he’s gay!”
My Dad, the truck driver.