Believe me the thought crosses my mind. My x having a heart attack. Dropping dead at any given moment he’s antagonizing me.
Ah, we all dream these terrible things once in a while.
But I don’t mean it.
No, really, I don’t!
Besides not actually wishing death upon any living thing, he is the sun and sky to my middle son. Of course his other children love him too….but he means the world to my middle guy. And that’s enough for me to want to wish him a long, healthy life. (Just not one married to me!)
As it turns out, he had heart surgery a few weeks ago. He didn’t tell me what’s been going on with him because he hates letting me in on anything, which is fine. I handle things differently. But, when he said he couldn’t take the kids one night and I asked why he admitted he was going into the hospital for heart surgery to have stents put in place.
The doctor ended up putting 3 stents in his arteries that were 98% blocked. They say he was close to a massive heart attack had he not gotten the stents put in when he did.
Oh well, no luck.
That’s a joke, at least a half-hearted attempt at one.
Here’s the thing, after the surgery, he sends me a text to tell me he is ok and let the kids know. We chat about the surgery a little here and there and then these text start:
The doctor says that the angina is mostly responsible for my ED.
Now I can get it up no problem.
As a matter of fact, I am so hard and erect the nurses had to give me a happy ending.
The doctor also says that the reason for my depression and anger issues is related to the angina as well.
I didn’t see the text as they came in, so I couldn’t stop them immediately, but when I saw the last one I replied:
Do me a favor, stop making jokes. They are not funny and really, I’m not interested in yet another excuse why you behaved the way you did for 21 years.
He actually wrote back to apologize and said it was the drugs speaking.
But it didn’t end there.
When he picked the kids up a few days later, he had to repeat that the reason he couldn’t get it up for 10 years was because of heart problems.
So, while this is technically and physically true….he neglects to remember he had no desire. Never mind the physical aspect, he had no interest what-so-ever. He was always tired or there was something on TV. Sex just wasn’t important to him. And, eventually I grew tired of asking for it.
It’s so important to him that I understand why his manhood was compromised all those years. I know why. Because it’s one more thing he can say “it’s not my fault” and place the blame elsewhere. He took no responsibility for any of our issues in marriage so one of the biggest ones now isn’t his responsibility either.
I was curious so I read up on his condition and prognosis. Bottom line, he had been having obvious symptoms for almost 12 years and did nothing about it. Even the doctors questioned why he wouldn’t have checked his heart at the first sign of ED when he was 40 years old. That’s how unimportant sex was to him. He didn’t care that much that he couldn’t get it up.
Well, it seems he is going to live a bit longer and attempt (once again) to change his eating and healthy habits. He tries every year and nothing sticks.
I’m just glad I don’t have to watch it any longer.
It did occur to my that my children almost lost both of their parents in a 3 months span which is really scary. When the thought hit me, I actually got nauseous thinking I don’t even have a will prepared.
Time to get things in order.
I think I need to start a list of major crap I need to get done. Clearing my brain of the man-cobwebs has finally created the ability to see responsibility again.
Urgh, part of me enjoyed shirking responsibilities the past 18 months.
Must I grow up?