Part 1 is here.
I met the guy last night for drinks. I had begun to suspect I may not be entirely physically attracted to him before I met him and I know that’s akin to the kiss of death for me. Once I get an idea in my head I sure have a hard time getting it out.
He was tall, 6’4″ and very slim, blondish with full lips and big eyes. I didn’t like the shape of his eyes. There was something there that was disingenuous. I couldn’t put my finger on it but that was my first impression. I couldn’t shake that feeling during the evening.
He had arrived before me and secured a table. I was a bit flustered at first because he was grinning broadly and gave the impression of soaking me in. Really looking at me intently. This totally put me off. It wasn’t even as if I felt like a piece of meat, it was more like he was savoring his prize and was pleased with himself for holding the trophy. We sat in the corner booth and he ordered our drinks.
Conversation started generally, as they do upon first meeting someone. Light chatter about work. I could tell he wasn’t interested. He wanted to talk about the sex clubs and my previous experiences. He tried a few times to explain how he was looking for more than a playmate partner, even went as far to say I would be the only partner he had, but it didn’t sound like anything I would remotely want to sign up for. It was in his eyes, I couldn’t get past his eyes.
Chatter is easy for me now. I hadn’t spoken about my experiences with anyone outside of the blog so I didn’t mind discussing and sharing – hearing his exploits as well. He had started his interest in the sex clubs around the same time as I did last year. He felt, ultimately, this was short lived and wanted to have fun with it for the next year or two before settling down. He is 43, never married, no kids.
The time passed well enough before I felt that I had shared enough and made the decision this wasn’t going any further. I stood to go to the bathroom when he asked the fatal question “do you want to split the check?”
Had I not already made the decision that we were not moving forward, this would have sealed the deal. Dating tip 101 guys: if you are trying to seal the deal with a girl, buy the drinks on the first date. Period. No excuses.
The bill was $35. I threw a $20 on the table and gathered my coat. As I waited for my car he tried, several times, to engage me in a kiss. I politely explained that we were not on the same page. After another attempt or two I clearly said “no, I’m just not interested.”
An hour or so later I got a text from him saying how he wished I was on the same page and how much fun he thought we could have. He made a joke about Vegas odds being on us having sex in the near future. I told him if he was a betting man he would go broke. Then I blocked and deleted him.
So what did I learn from this date? Nothing I didn’t already know, but it did cement a few facts for me.
I was curious and I’m dying for exciting sex. There was a possibility he could offer that. That’s what got me to the bar in the first place. He was appealing physically and I think he could have grown on me, but he didn’t have the chemistry I desire. And the thing with his eyes – it bothered me somehow. In hindsight it even sort of gives me the shivers. He wasn’t someone I was going to trust.
As we further discussed our sexual experiences I knew that I wasn’t going into a club without a partner that I trusted. Someone who was there for the experience with me and not just for the ultimate swap to have sex with another person. I never felt like that before and I wasn’t planning to start. I know I need to be the star of the show for the sex club to work for me. I was lucky to have a partner who handled me with kid gloves the first time around and I still want that. I want to be treated like a novice and coddled and protected. The way this guy described his scenes wasn’t appealing to me. He was having sex with another woman in the same room as his partner. They were not in it together. They were not connected. For me, those clubs, those experiences were all about the heightened connection to my partner. The additional intimacy it brought to an already fantastic sexual relationship. I realize I won’t be going to any clubs with someone who can’t provide this for me. Both partners must be on the same page for what they want from those experiences.
Since the date I have started to question if I ever actually enter a club again. Was it a phase prompted by the desire to please that particular partner combined with my intense curiosity? Since I no longer have the same curiosity, I’m not exactly sure how I feel about it anymore.
So, that was that. No harm, no foul as I always say.
As much as my body is desiring sex in the worst way, my head seems to have a “full stop” sign on it. I’m just not ready.