Something About His Eyes

Part 1 is here.

I met the guy last night for drinks. I had begun to suspect I may not be entirely physically attracted to him before I met him and I know that’s akin to the kiss of death for me. Once I get an idea in my head I sure have a hard time getting it out.

He was tall, 6’4″ and very slim, blondish with full lips and big eyes.  I didn’t like the shape of his eyes.  There was something there that was disingenuous.  I couldn’t put my finger on it but that was my first impression. I couldn’t shake that feeling during the evening.

He had arrived before me and secured a table. I was a bit flustered at first because he was grinning broadly and gave the impression of soaking me in.  Really looking at me intently.  This totally put me off.  It wasn’t even as if I felt like a piece of meat, it was more like he was savoring his prize and was pleased with himself for holding the trophy.  We sat in the corner booth and he ordered our drinks.

Conversation started generally, as they do upon first meeting someone. Light chatter about work.  I could tell he wasn’t interested. He wanted to talk about the sex clubs and my previous experiences. He tried a few times to explain how he was looking for more than a playmate partner, even went as far to say I would be the only partner he had, but it didn’t sound like anything I would remotely want to sign up for.  It was in his eyes, I couldn’t get past his eyes.

Chatter is easy for me now.  I hadn’t spoken about my experiences with anyone outside of the blog so I didn’t mind discussing and sharing – hearing his exploits as well.  He had started his interest in the sex clubs around the same time as I did last year. He felt, ultimately,  this was short lived and wanted to have fun with it for the next year or two before settling down. He is 43, never married, no kids.

The time passed well enough before I felt that I had shared enough and made the decision this wasn’t going any further. I stood to go to the bathroom when he asked the fatal question “do you want to split the check?”

Had I not already made the decision that we were not moving forward, this would have sealed the deal. Dating tip 101 guys: if you are trying to seal the deal with a girl, buy the drinks on the first date. Period. No excuses.

The bill was $35.  I threw a $20 on the table and gathered my coat.  As I waited for my car he tried, several times, to engage me in a kiss. I politely explained that we were not on the same page.  After another attempt or two I clearly said “no, I’m just not interested.”

He left.

An hour or so later I got a text from him saying how he wished I was on the same page and how much fun he thought we could have.  He made a joke about Vegas odds being on us having sex in the near future.  I told him if he was a betting man he would go broke.  Then I blocked and deleted him.

So what did I learn from this date?  Nothing I didn’t already know, but it did cement a few facts for me.

I was curious and I’m dying for exciting sex. There was a possibility he could offer that.  That’s what got me to the bar in the first place.  He was appealing physically and I think he could have grown on me, but he didn’t have the chemistry I desire.  And the thing with his eyes – it bothered me somehow.  In hindsight it even sort of gives me the shivers.  He wasn’t someone I was going to trust.

As we further discussed our sexual experiences I knew that I wasn’t going into a club without a partner that I trusted.  Someone who was there for the experience with me and not just for the ultimate swap to have sex with another person.  I never felt like that before and I wasn’t planning to start.  I know I need to be the star of the show for the sex club to work for me.  I was lucky to have a partner who handled me with kid gloves the first time around and I still want that. I want to be treated like a novice and coddled and protected.  The way this guy described his scenes wasn’t appealing to me.  He was having sex with another woman in the same room as his partner. They were not in it together.  They were not connected.   For me, those clubs, those experiences were all about the heightened connection to my partner.  The additional intimacy it brought to an already fantastic sexual relationship.  I realize I won’t be going to any clubs with someone who can’t provide this for me.  Both partners must be on the same page for what they want from those experiences.

Since the date I have started to question if I ever actually enter a club again.  Was it a phase prompted by the desire to please that particular partner combined with my intense curiosity?  Since I no longer have the same curiosity, I’m not exactly sure how I feel about it anymore.

So, that was that.  No harm, no foul as I always say.

As much as my body is desiring sex in the worst way, my head seems to have a “full stop” sign on it.  I’m just not ready.

Author: Madeline Harper

My journey through divorce and an emotional and sexual reawakening. Love, laughter, friendships, family and heartbreak included. And there is sex, lots of it, so close your eyes and turn the page if that's not for you! While I started this blog as an endeavor to journal my thoughts and feelings in an attempt to better understand myself, it has become an amazing platform from which I have met some of the most interesting and wonderful people in my life. My path is often crooked, but I hope you will share in the journey with me.

33 thoughts on “Something About His Eyes”

      1. I heard a story just the other day about that old show “the dating game.”
        A man was chosen and when the woman met him backstage, she thought there was something creepy about his eyes so she begged off.
        Turns out, he was a serial killer.

        Liked by 2 people

  1. Ha that picture is great LOL. It’s only a matter of time. Honestly finding a hot guy to have sex with won’t tAke u too long. I don’t know what age these men are, but consider a younger guy. They tend to be a lot better looking and are willing to please 😉 (Not that I’ve ever gone there lol, just had my share of offers).

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Well generally speaking I select men who are younger than me but older than 38. Any younger than that and it’s just sex only and nothing else. I don’t want to go any you get than that since the chances of actually dating disappear.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Marty….I really am trying to get to the bottom of why I behave the way and do, what my triggers are and what drives me to feel how I do. Some days I am stronger than others. Thanks for always being so supportive! 🙂


  2. My first thought is there is obviously really good reason why he is still single, still looking at 41. The introductory post I thought it sounded like he was desperate and trying way too hard, but now he just sounds weird and kind of creepy. But kudos to you for listening to your instincts and maintaining a clear head as well as boundaries with a wrong fit. Split the check? SERIOUSLY? Let’s add cheap to that list. And no, I’m not one who suggests the man should always pick up the check. My rule to this day is if I extend the invitation, I pick up the check, and vice versa.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. YES! I totally agree with that – there is no doubt why he is still single! After the incident I thought I escaped unharmed because I just left with a bad taste in my mouth.

      Men should plan a date and pay in my opinion. Maybe not every time, but absolutely the first. When you are going on a date -as friends there is no question to split the check or treat a friend.


      1. So he basically repeated your story, how original. I was beginning to get fishy about it. Yes always trust your gut! If you can’t trust yourself, how can trust anyone? I’m loving your stories more and more because it shows just far you have come. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I think you do know what you want and you’re speaking up your mind which is great ! A lot of times knowing what you don’t want is more important than anything else.


  3. Creepy eyes and he wants to split the check? You obviously made the right call. I think asking to split the check is all you need to know about the guy. And such a small check too! It’s no wonder that no one would marry him.

    Liked by 2 people

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